These are approximately the words that I shared with my wife a number of weeks ago when I realized I hadn’t blogged in some time, and it bugged me. I’ve had a nagging feeling of grey coloured guilt to produce something, to tithe over the justification of paying for and investing in my own website. Not only a website, but graphic design software, audio equipment, podcast hosting and the most valuable of them all, time investment. It’s not quite buyer’s remorse, but it shares similarities. These things all add up to pressure compounding over time which only creates an anxiety to ACT NOW, without knowing what I should even be acting on.
Some of this inner dialogue goes like this:
“I need to write something, but only if it’s going to be my best work. I’ve wondered about such and such topics, but I need to do more research. In fact, I don’t have much time to just sit and research.”
“Maybe I could voice record an old blog or find a guest to interview. Yes, that’s the ticket… except, I’ve forgotten how to use the recording software so maybe I’ll leave that until I’ve re-learnt those skills – I don’t wish it to be of bad quality.”
“There is a ton of graphic work that’s needed updating which will improve traffic which would inspire me to write more. I’ll get to that when I come up with some creative ideas.”
“The kids are complaining they’re bored so I’m all tied up at the moment.”
“I owe that friend a favour too, I better call him back with all the ideas I have.”
Passion projects, side hustles or hobbies are tough on the consciousness of an individual once it has been recognised that either through laziness or managing an already full life, you have not been as consistent as you would have hoped. It all fails when from the start you set (even when at the time, seems realistic) unrealistic goals of consistency and quality. I won’t bore you with what came up in my life or what I wanted to get from my self imposed input and output, but it’s plain to see that I didn’t live up to the goal set.
We are now in the final quarter of the year. The buzzer for break time has sounded and all there is to do is begin. Begin again. As my pastor at my church said in a sermon today: “Remember to keep the main thing, the main thing”.
It has been an honour to earn an audience of readers that are interested in my hot take on things, which I look forward in continuing, even if only on a relaxed basis, for your eyes and ears to follow along. Going viral is overrated. Being quietly purposeful on the other hand, is underrated. I will seek to do the latter.
See you soon.
Why do we love (and hate) these (sometimes predictable) storylines so much? What is so thrilling about watching the scenes of what we wish ourselves never to experience? Why are cliffhangers so important? Because we simply see ourselves, though perhaps, never quite manifested, in that chosen character. We desperately want to mimic them to become an ideal version of ourselves. It just might be that what we seek is to at least know that we are not alone.
“I could pretend this shadow was the old version of myself and I was running to catch it (out in front), or running away (behind